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Sup

Just a four-eyed-loser from Redlands, California. I’ve never actually showed people my poems and/ or my random writings …and I got inspired by this dude I follow on Instagram. Feel free to leave a comment or just creep on my poems, that’d be fine too. Hope these don’t depress you as much. Enjoy :):

– M

p.s. I started an account where I plan on writing random fictional or nonfictional stories/ pieces. Check it out! :):

https://palemoonwritez.wordpress.com

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12:46am

Why does everyone leave me?

Why doesn’t anyone ever stay?

My forehead is steaming.

My mind is fried like eggs.

Just when I thought I found someone 

Perfect for me,

He wants to leave too.

Why do they leave me…

What did I do…

Recognition

I have created this illusion in my mind.

That I am weird.

That my body is hideous.

That I alone, am ugly.

I believe that anyone is stupid

to be with me.

To see something in me.

To love me.

For what is there to love?

My teeth are crooked.

My breasts aren’t perky.

I have stretch marks.

I sweat a lot.

My feet look like hands of an animal.

and I have more chins than Chinatown.

And yet, I’m about to hit three months with him.

Someone who saw past all my stretched thighs,

crooked grill, sad breasts, and the hate I held for myself.

For so long, I had been unhappy with myself.

I allowed myself to be this way.

I listened to sad music and soon became

part of the song.

The lyrics were now about me.

I was the girl with a constant headache,

wanting a heart tattoo, and alas always

dizzy on the come down.

For I felt that losing you truly was

like cutting my fingers off.

I lost him for a week.

And it tore me to bits of grain.

And I’ll never let him walk away again.

I said I loved him a little too early.

And I believe that drove him away.

I believe I scared the both of us.

And though I second guessed if we should be together,

given the arguments and daily heartbreak moments…

Well there really no one I’d rather be with.

Do I love him?

Well that’s something only I ┬átruly know

and will keep to myself for awhile.

But I can tell you

that I am incredibly happy.

that I am starting to love myself

and see beauty in all my differences.

I love my smile.

I love my ugly feet.

I love most of my body.

and I love being with him.

He is perfect.

Yes.

 

 

 

 

 

Pb&J

The crunch is amZing 

It’s like a staircase of peanut butter

Spiraling down like a gazelle.

Bursting into your soul 

With the ocean and jelly.

The rain haunts my days no more.

The artist threw back his anchor of a goat

And suhwore he would never

Attack his baby brother bird man.

The angle is deeping

And so is your mum.

Get back , back I say

For I no longer belong to you

I’m no longer your slave

Afters

Why can’t I ever be satisfied at the end of the night?

Here I am, laying next to the one I love most.

And yet I still feel empty.

I still feel like I did with the others.

I know he’s mine but at the same time,

It doesn’t feel like I’m his.

Why do I feel like this?

He kisses me all night, talks about our future…and yet it still hasn’t clicked that this boy is actually into me.

It’s just hard I guess.

How do you let someone love you if you don’t love yourself?

Why do I always cry once they’ve fallen asleep?

Why do I wake up in tears and pain?

I love this boy…

Why am I still crying?

Why can’t I realize that he is mine?

Why am I like this?

Why do they like me…

Confession no. 1

I constantly think about you every night and I wonder what you’re thinking sometimes. 

Sometimes I feel like all this is a dream. And every time I’m with you, 

it feels like nothing is what it seems. 

I constantly think about your voice, that laugh makes me go berzerk…

your voice in general…geez it just makes me smirk. 

I kinda like holding your hand , you’re different and I love it. Hold the bland. 

I’m really awkward around you cause I’m still a little scared. 

The voice in my head says ” just be prepared “. 

These feelings i have for you haven’t yet been declared. 

Just please be patient with me and just know, I care.

I sorta just smile the goofiest smile and blush until i become a little Cherry

You’ll be nowhere in sight, but I’ll still feel merry.

Damn boy, you got this drop of something amazing to you.

Like a favorite cd that I can’t stop listening to.

Plain and simple.

I guess Um ..

i like jew.

UPDATE

I have to say

Sex with someone who is completely yours is the best feeling ever. I’ve never felt so loved and wanted. Like I’ve done stupid things since my depression that I now regret. And everytime, it just didn’t feel right. Even though I thought I was in love with this older guy and I lost my virginity to him, I still didn’t feel that great . I really couldn’t completely calm myself and just wasn’t fully in a great mindset. The thought of him having sex with his gf sickened me. I simply could not relax and enjoy the moment. But now? Oh my glob. This amazing guy is mine and he wants me for me, not sex, not an escape from his gf and two kids. For ME! And it’s the best feeling ever. I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking with the other guy. Stupid Malia. I’ll never do that again. Anyways this is just kind of an update post saying I’m dry happy and full of happiness again! The past is in the past and it will remain there, along with that dingus 26 year old. Good riddance.